Love's Old Sweet Song
by MarieVargas
Summary: Newkirk and Carter talk about their past loves. This takes place between chapters 7 and 8 of my other fanfiction, Never in a Million Years.


"So, it all started when I was about thirteen… Cat 'ad dragged me, Mave, an Brian back from our little stint at the circus about a year prior an just wouldn't stop fussin'. Anne just 'ad Victoria, Da was never around, an I just always 'ad one 'ell of a time makin' friends. I was kinda a loner at school, always just with Mave," he gestures with his cigarette as Carter watches him with those smouldering blue eyes, like he was absorbed by the story. Newkirk could feel his mouth get dry, feeling like this was wrong, he shouldn't be talking about this with Carter in public, like it was too intimate. Just talking about it to this man, Andrew Carter, the man he-

Newkirk swallowed before he took another drag, "We were kinda seen as odd children, Brian too, but 'e 'ad no problem bein' friends with the other ragamuffins. Then Rob moved to town. We were inseparable. Everywhere 'e went, Mave an I were there an vice versa. We went to school together, church together, we even practically lived at each other's houses. It was all great fun, but… Then Rob wanted to spend more time with Mavis."

" 'e always wanted to help her with make up an' 'elped 'er pick out outfits an' I got jealous," Newkirk grins a bit, " 'course I guessed I was jealous because I thought Rob just wanted to spend more time with Mave than with me. It boiled in my gut, made me sick, I was angry at them. I 'ad been abandoned by my mum, Artie 'ad moved out with John, Da was never 'ome, Brian 'ad 'is friends, an Eileen an Cat were busy makin' ends meet, an now Mave an Rob were leavin' me for each other. At thirteen, I thought my anger was justified against them all."

Carter touches Newkirk's elbow, but he chuckles and shakes his head, "Then, it 'it me one day. I liked Rob. 'e liked me too. Mave told me she knew, but she always knew, I guess. She knows more about me than I do. Rob an' I dated for years, then Anne had Jane an I moved out with Rob. 'e started exclusively goin' by Rita by then. We 'ad got jobs at the Red Lion, I was a waiter an' busboy, sometimes doin' a magic show 'ere an there to pay the bills while she was the star of the show. She was a dancer an' she brought in a large crowd. I thought I was in love. I even stopped seein' girls on the side, just so I could stay with 'er."

The quiet sits heavily in the air, Carter shifting to light another cigarette to draw the tension from what Newkirk said and to keep his hands off the man who just admitted to possibly being in love. Maybe he was, maybe he just accepted Carter as a second choice. But he didn't know about Dorothy and Rita getting together. He didn't know about that until later, he admitted to it himself, didn't he?

"... Didn't Anne say you all lived in the house until '41?" Carter asks, looking down at the ground.

"Hm? Oh, yes…. Rita, well, Robert was drafted. I couldn't live by myself while payin' rent an workin' without goin' crazy, an' John and Arthur were givin' up their place to join up. Cat was 'eadin' 'ome after 'er fiance 'ad been drafted so I just moved back 'ome. We all sent off for boot camp the same time, then I was the first to 'ave to say I wasn't comin' back for the 'oliday. Then I guess Rita an' I grew apart. Next thin' I know, I fall 'ead over 'eels for this kid that joins the operation an' I can't write a 'Dear John' letter to officially break up with Rita because the Germans would 'ave my 'ead an' the man that the letter was about because there is no women about for me to fall for. So, I'm glad that mess fixed itself right on up without any problems."

"Gosh, Newkirk, that's sweet," Carter can't look at the other because he knew his cheeks were definately rosy.

"Andrew, you know you can call me Peter."

"Well, I'm just so used to calling you Newkirk, it might take a while."

Newkirk nods after a moment and puts another cigarette in his mouth, "That's fair. Now it's your turn. Tell me about Mary-Jane."

"Golly, this might be harder than I thought, ok, so, Mary-Jane is my age, we started going to school together in third grade, after my family moved to Indiana to be closer to my grandpa. We were best friends, her and I, we did everything together. We would have slumber parties and playdates all the time. I always wanted to play house, so we would be two mommies and play with our baby dolls, but, you know, I never really processed that mommies shouldn't kiss mommies."

"Ouch," Newkirk says, scooting just a little closer to Carter.

"Yeah, she always used to say we could only do it once, because parents don't really kiss, but my parents were always kissing, I didn't get it," Carter shrugs and rests his head against Newkirk's shoulder comfortably before sitting right back up when he remembers that they are outside. Anyone can see them out here and he isn't about to get himself and Newkirk court martialed right now, "Ahem, so, yeah, as we got older, she fell for my dorky little brother and they started dating even though he didn't want to. But it still broke my heart clean in two."

"Oh, Andrew…"

"No, it was ok, I mean, we still stayed friends and she forgot all about how weird I was as a kid. Then Dorothy gave her a promise ring and she promised to wait until after the war for him. I was so sick to my stomach when she asked me to be her maid of honor, but I said yes, then skipped right on off to London with my brother, um, sister, so I could be a nurse while she was a Lieutenant in the USAAF. She got captured, dug her way out of Stalag five, then went through Stalag thirteen."

He pauses for a few seconds, then looks at Newkirk, "On her way out, they got off track due to extra patrols in the area. I… I don't know what she saw, but she was so different back in London. She was shaking, she had horrid nightmares when she could sleep, but it just… I couldn't take it. Dorothy and I always used to change clothes and change who we were as children. We could mimic each other to the 'T'. I was the older sibling, I was doing it for what was good for her."

"Then I arrived at the Stalag per her captain's orders to return and become a part of the operation, I was fine with all of that. Then the letters started coming."

"Andrew-" he knew where this was going. Newkirk had never seen Carter like this, looking so forlorn and miserable for what he had caused.

"They were for him, Newkirk, but I was him, I am him, and I couldn't let myself get caught. I read every single love letter and I felt disgusted with myself. I enjoyed thinking that she felt like that for me, but I knew she never would-"

"Really, Andr-"

"I just wanted her to love me, Peter," Carter says, coming to terms with what he had done. It wasn't right.

Newkirk puts his arm around Carter's shoulders, "... I know, Andrew."

"That 'Dear John' letter put things into proportion for me. I knew I could never live that lie, but I guess it worked out for the best. Dorothy has Rita and Rob, Mary-Jane has her new fiance, and I have you."

"That you do, Andrew. An' I ain't goin' anywhere," he squeezes his shoulder gently, "We should 'ead back inside before they get worried."

Carter nods and goes to stand up, "Hey, Newkirk."

"Yes?"

"Do you-?" the question sticks in his throat. He doesn't know how to ask it.

"... Andrew?"

"Uh, do you need help inside?"

Newkirk knows something is wrong, but he doesn't press it, "That'd be much appreciated, ta, Andrew."


End file.
